AppId is over the quota
From Dr. Jim Sears: With the news of the shooting in Connecticut, many parents are wondering how to talk to their children about this horrific tragedy. I am writing this just hours after this happened. As more and more details come in, this story becomes more and more unbelievable.
Like many parents today, I'm stuck at work, trying to grab a glimpse of the news to see what's going on... But all can think about is getting home to give my kids a big hug, especially our kindergartner!
How much information you give your kids will really depend on their age. I'll probably talk in great detail with my high-schooler and college-aged kids, but with our five-year-old I'll need to be careful to not make him more afraid. Here are some of my suggestions for how to talk to your kids when a tragedy happens:
1) Limit their exposure to the news stories. Some of the images we see on TV after a tragedy can be pretty disturbing, even for an adult. Its important to be careful about what your younger child sees and hears. This way you can be sensitive to how much of the bad news that he has to process. Be sure that the details you do share are age-appropriate.2) Reassure to your children that this is an isolated incident and that they are safe. They may be worried about going to school, even if this happened 2,000 miles away.
3) Just be together as a family and have some close time enjoying each other's company. Play a game or do something else that promotes "family chat time". This is a great way to re-kindle that family love.
4) Accept their feelings and fears - because to your child, they are real, no matter how outrageous it sounds to you. Never say to your child, "that's nonsense, or that's ridiculous". First, it’s important to accept that your child is truly afraid of _______, but then you can gently re-direct his perception of reality. If you don't accept his fears, then your child will get the message that you don't listen to him or her.
5) How to actually talk to your kids about this: First, do a lot of listening. Listen to their questions and let that be the lead in where the conversation goes. Use gentle probing questions like, "Tell me more about that" and "what do you mean by that". In terms of how to answer their questions, use your judgment on what is appropriate for your child's age and maturity.
6) Watch for red flags that would indicate that your child is not dealing well with the tragedy. It can be normal to go through a grieving process but if you are really worried about what you see in your child, then seek professional help. You might see their sleep habits change a bit, or their appetitive to be off. If these persist beyond a few weeks or seem extreme to you, then seek help. Also keep an eye on their social relationships. If your child is becoming more and more withdrawn, that could be a sign that he or she is not dealing with this very well.
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